So my wish came true

You came back

We got to talk

I got to say things

and hear you say things back

what a blessing

what a surprise

You had a story

I didn't want to believe you

Angel, you disappoint like always

Not the man I want or need 

You showed your true colors, you didn't care for my consent then

Don't care about it now

It sickens me what a small man you have become

not aware of his power, hopeless, dark, and horny as fuck

You want to reduce me to a sex doll

and things were safe at first, but the more I opened up

You saw a window and went with it

You always say big promises and deliver nothing

What is the point Angel? Are words just words to you?

They are, you never knew the meaning of commitment

maybe that's why you are not married now

I know I make your dick hard

but I am more than that

and you use me to get you there

but you don't think of me and what I need and what the child needs

It's so intertwined now, isn't it?

Now the problem is left for me to solve, like always

You create a problem and are not part of the solution

Jonathan said you have a cold heart,

Don't care what me and my child have to go through

I offered to travel there, you tell me to pay for the appointment as well

You don't want to give anymore, like you are not responsible for all this emotional turmoil you have 

created in my life. $300 ain't shit. Pay me retributions, kid.

At the end of the day, it's like the altar you go to get self acceptance

Just the fact that you are there means you believe they owe you something and you will get something

but from you, all I get is disappointment and brokenness. 

You are not a man, I am mad at that

But how to resolve all this? Leave you in the past, bury you again

I said I don't want to talk anymore, you said okay. I know that came out of pride

but I hated, once again, how easy you give up

It's all the same thing, he is not the one. No matter how it feels

The bond that is there, in a moment's notice I threw it all out the window

I didn't like where it was going, just like with James

You both had nothing to offer, just dead weight.

I am sorry, wish our story ended a better way.

Blended family thing they sit there and are like we are happy! This is possible!

I wonder if it really is, I really do.

Blended family, pretend the feeelings are no longer there. But I know healing is possible.

I wish we could resolve all this. However, I do hope the test says no and I leave you in the past, right where you belong.

The one good thing that came out of all of this is that you told me what you did

and it completely repaints the picture

I was disguised, I believed the wrong thing. I think I attributed so many things to you, simply because you were there at a specific time but the God's honest truth was, you were there twice.

Once, when I needed to move and another, when you talked to the guy and got me the interview. I gave you so much credit, because you did something when everyone else did nothing.

But other times, you weren't there and kept pushing me away but when I was around you it was like a natural high so I ignored the red signs. Like the time I showed you I wrote you a song and you dropped me off in the corner, I walked the rest of the way home. The way I kept showing you I cared, but you kept to yourself, in your house, 10 minute drive away, like I didn't' matter.

How could you say you love someone and not really mean it? why all these years later all this stuff still matters? I guess because this is my life and this is my story. I hate all this stuff. 

I have to flush it all out like poop down the toilet. I release you, Angel. All this stuff does not serve me.

You confirm all my feelings of inadequacy and incompleteness and brokenness. 

I am ready for a new chapter, where I am complete and loved and it is safe for me to feel. Be with someone that has more of a emotional spectrum where they can deal when I fall apart.

Because what is the point of it all if I have to be strong all the time?