Friday, August 21, 2020

You left, like my dad did

 replaying the same brokenness


and you confirmed it is not okay for me to fall apart


but at the same time,


It's all the instability in my life no?


but I learned faith and I learned back up


and I learned how much you are on your own in America


how you have to keep to yourself


I am vulnerable


Always have been, born into this


Andre wants me back


but he always does


wants to have access again after I cut him off


and Lord, how I fought calling you last night, Angel


but its all portraits of the past


its all part of me


parts of my life


Oh how I wish I could look back and have something to show for it


How I asked God for all this?


Wanted to experience love, but all I got was broken heart


not fair, yes there were great times. So why I focus on the end?


I always did. Andre was an artist, and Angel was a nurturer of some sorts.


He made me feel like it was okay to be me (in the beginning). I liked his desire for me.


Andre honestly believes I am the most beautiful woman in the world, that was shocking. 


There were both enamored by me. Oh how I hate new Brunswick. Andre says I shouldn't use the word hate. 


But what to use? the worst time, after the best time of healing with God. 


Would I be the same person if I didn't go through New Brunswick? Not.


Create a vision for yourself, Auris. The future you want to create.


Stop giving energy to all this past. The past we cannot change, only the future.

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